This is gna be my very last post on booomheartcrash. I'm sorry anyb who ever reads my blog here, which I doubt la huh. I just gotta say, this is not pinpointing t anyb, it's just me, and my thoughts. Right from the start in s.school, I was a pretty loner girl, no friends, just 'cause I transferred, and when I finally had some people t lighten up my load a lil', everything just fell apart, yeah it wasn't that easy getting backup but I did. Cause the bond wasn't that strong yet, I must say. Then I found someone special, she stepped into my life and did many things and sacrificed alot for me, we were happy. I wasn't much of a perfect friend, I was still torn and tatterred, I was still VERYFLAWED. But she accepted me, we laughed at every minor thing, made our own inside jokes until my thinking started t change and I didn't know what got into me. It's like I made a mistake, then I was confused, yet when I tried t retrieve things, it's all been too late. Far too late. It's over. I gotta accept the fact. I fell, yet nobody came t pull me up. I got back up a little, yeap for company, for ppl t be w/, I went t another group of people who told me and promised that they'll be there for me. I didn't play w their feelings when I said ilthem alot. I meant every word. But it felt uneasy it wasn't where I belong. I tried fitting in, I couldn't. After being set back twice, unlike all the laughters and happiness, I gave up. I crashed again. I moved my chess wrongly again. BUT WHEN I REALISED EVERYTHING IT WAS JUST TOO LATE AGAIN. Screwed. But srsly, after being scolded, being hated, being tired, being sad, being insulted, being embarrassed, I searched my soul, how did I treat these people when they gave me a chance. Yeap I did take everything srsly, I treated them like my rll precious friends. I gave every friendship my all. This may be the lousiest thing that could ever be said t anyb, but for me, it was truly my best. I just missed the last plunge. Back to square 1, I was alone. Again. I'm not gna tryna fit in anywh anym. I'm tired, exhausted, hurt. I found that I didn't rlly mean anyth t anyone in their life. That is hurting, when you've tried your hardest, but t others you are like any other normal girl who just stepped int their life. But it hurts more t know, when every word you told them were deep from the bottom of your heart, their words were just there for nothing, or perhaps make you happy awhile? Did they mean it? I don't know what t say. I dwanna assume too. However, I lied. Yeah who doesn't lie? Everyone has their own flaws, isn't it? Some people may've just been moulded into better people in their lifes, they've been sharpened. Yeah the sharpening part's gna hurt so much but when it's over everything is fine again. I'm gna go through the process now. But if people still keep holding on t grudges, don't forgive and forget like Jesus did, they keep rubbing int my life, I cannot be better! Why block my way?! I'm wrong, very wrong in all these I must say, perhaps I should have tried a lil more than what I call my best, tried a lil more than I did, things'd be better? Maybe I could've closed one eye and open one eye and things'd not be in this state? From all these, there are countless things I've learnt. I've learnt not t trust people so easily, not t break friendships so easily and don't let what others think or say influence me. I've learnt the true meaning of friendship, it means not changing one after another and treating them like spare tyres. It's the bond that built up that cannot be tarnished in one mistake. Which means I disappointed them many times, I just didn't realise. I learnt t not only be so ultra sensitive of my feelings, but share some for others' and everything will balance out, then thing's be a lil more fine, I suppose? Like I said, I'm not gna squeeze in anywh else, I'm gna stfu and study hard for EOYs, refresh everything next year (Y)